I spent time recently with one of my oldest (as in longstanding!) friends catching up after not seeing each other for a few years.

  As we reminisced about some of the holidays we’d had I was amazed to discover that we shared a first – our first flight had been together – we’d been on a long haul flight to Chicago.  First time on a plane; first time overseas, etc etc.  She recounted the problems there had been with the flight, a flight that had happened 27 years ago and about which I could remember almost nothing.  Apparently it had been so bad that another friend on the same flight (an ex-BA air stewardess) had said “please don’t think of that as a normal flight, it wasn’t”.

Now what I’ve not mentioned is that my friend is terrified of flying – really really scared – since that first flight, if she’s managed to get on a plane in the past its been with the help of drink and drugs and these days she has family unvisited in South Africa and her holidays are taken in the UK with a recent venture onto cruises – so long as you can drive to join the boat!

But wait a minute; we both experienced the same first bad flight, what happened to create a life affecting fear for her and an experience I can hardly remember for me?

I guess there can be lots of reasons that one person might be more susceptible than another, perhaps you’re someone who already has a tendency to worry about what might go wrong or perhaps you’re generally nervous about new experiences.  Or you genuinely have an awful experience, but something convinces you that this is the way it will always be.

A phobia only takes one experience to become lodged in the brain, after that the brain takes over and repeats the awfulness of the experience for you.  We all know that repetition is important when you want to get good at something – practise makes perfect – unfortunately that’s as true for the bad things in our lives as it is for the good stuff.  

With a fear or phobia the practising is going on in our heads, our minds are doing the work for us by reliving and re-experiencing every detail of the incident.  One of the best examples of this I ever came across was one of the first people I helped with their fear of flying – she hadn’t just practised, she had all the awards and medals it was possible to get in fear of flying!  She’s much better now!

What have you experienced that has created a fear or phobia for you?

My colleague Dominic Davies and I have been meeting up regularly for over a year now continuing to practice our Thought Field Therapy skills.  

Each month, working out of a beautiful office in the West End of London, we run what we call a teaching clinic – where we invite a friend or colleague to have the chance to experience this amazing therapy with a free session as a training client.  Some of you will already have tried this out with one of us, but you’re welcome to return for another session working with both of us!

If there is an issue you’d like some help with – emotional, psychological or physical and you’d be willing to let us practice our skills on you, please contact me ASAP.  One of the brilliant things about TFT is that we can largely work content free and so you don’t need to tell us much (if anything) about the issue you want help with.  So long as you think about it whilst we’re treating you, we can see if we can make a difference to how you feel about it.  This means the treatment can be rapid, save time in telling the story and just head right into the treatment and resolving the issue.  Depending on the issue you bring, you may well experience immediate relief during the session!

Thought Field Therapy is excellent for anxiety, phobias, traumatic events, addictive urges and cravings.

Lucy is extensively trained in NLP, hypnosis and Time Line Therapy® (all to Master level) as well as having all her training in Thought Field Therapy

Dominic brings his usual 30 years as an amazing therapist and his Voice Technology training (which is the highest level of TFT) to the table and so you get a lot of experience in a consultation.

Normal boundaries around confidentiality are in place and we have had several of our friends in for treatment to work on specific issues.  Some have been back more than once which is also good for us to follow up and develop deeper work.

The session is free and the only catch (if you want to consider it as such) is that you will have two therapists working with you at the same time.

The next session is Wednesday 25^th August at 6pm (normally a session is for up to 90 minutes).  The location is within the West End of London, I’ll give the full details to the successful applicant.

If you are curious to give it a go, perhaps there’s something you’ve been meaning to get help with get in touch now. 

The Phobia Fixer

Is it not real unless it’s written down? 

Just recently I’ve come across a couple of extreme examples that really got me thinking about this one.  America’s name was a pun on a map but the fact that the map had been created gave it a weight that just word of mouth didn’t have.  Then I was watching a recent episode of Outnumbered where the main story revolved around the phrase “it’s on the diary” – again, having something written down meant that it was real and others were supposed to take notice!

It’s a useful thing to remember for yourself – if you’re struggling with your weight, write down every single thing you eat every day, for as many days as you can manage (six weeks worth would be good) – if you’re really brave, share the detail with someone else.  Even if you don’t tell anyone, just looking at what you’ve eaten, in black and white, can give you pause – plus you may even find that knowing it has to go on a piece of paper will stop you from eating something “naughty” – three times now I’ve opted for a big glass of carrot and ginger juice rather than a muffin – I even surprised myself  with that one!

The other sort of writing things down that can be really useful is making a daily note of things that went well for you.  I don’t mean a full on diary, if you’re not already doing that it probably just sounds like one more demand on your time – but if you take a moment, once a day, just to think about something that went well and write it down - you’ll quickly have a great list to look back at and if you’re having one of those “I’m just rubbish, why do I even bother” days, remembering that this isn’t always the case can really make a difference.

If you’re new to the idea, and especially if you’re used to only remembering the daft things you’ve done, look for little things;   You got out and took a walk;  Did you sit and really enjoy a coffee? Making a note of when you’ve taken time for yourself can be just as important.  Perhaps you managed more of your to-do list, perhaps you finally cleared that pile of paper.  What did you do for someone else? Did you make someone smile while you were shopping?

Start taking notice today and see how much better you feel in a week!

So now I’m an NLP Master Practitioner, a Master Hypnotist and a Time Line Therapy® Master Practitioner.

I did my training this time round with David Shephard of The Performance Partnership, do check them out if you’ve been thinking about exploring training in NLP.  David has an impeccable pedigree in this field as well as a very compelling training style.

If you’re even more intrigued about how I can help you live the life you want – call me – let’s talk.

Quick update – thanks to everyone for their responses – there’ll be another opportunity later this year – in the meantime do get in touch if you want more information about the freedom I can help you discover.

Freedom To  . . . . .

What would you fill in the blank with?

• Perhaps you want to be free to get on a plane without fear
• Perhaps you want to be free to give a great speech
• Perhaps you want to be free to get a great night’s sleep

Well, for a lucky few Freedom can be free!

If you’d like to experience a great quick and effective way of feeling free from a fear or anxiety, and you can be free at this time/place

Wednesday 9^th June

Central London

6pm for approx 60 minutes

Then a session could be yours!

For more details and to get in quick to book your place – contact me:

lucy@lucywaters.co.uk

Reproduced from www.lucywaters.co.uk

I’ve called myself the Phobia Fixer so I thought it might be useful to share what I’ve learnt and experiences over the years about phobias; why I deal with them and how things can change for you.

In researching the topic it’s interesting to note the people have separated out anxiety, panic and phobia:

Anxiety

Anxiety is the normal human feeling of fear that we all experience when faced with threatening or difficult situations. It can help us to avoid dangerous situations, making us alert and giving us the motivation to deal with problems. But, if these feelings of anxiety are too strong, it can stop us from doing the things we want to.

Panic

A sudden unexpected surge of anxiety which makes you want to leave the worrying situation.  For some people this is when they experience the fight or flight phenomena, a surge of adrenalin runs through your body; useful when facing a tiger, not always helpful in corporate life.

Phobia

A phobia is a fear of particular situations or things that are not dangerous, and which most people do not find troublesome.  Often there will have been an inciting incident even if you can’t remember it.

My inciting incident happened at the age of 4; I was knocked over by a large dog, I don’t remember it, nothing else happened (I wasn’t attacked, the dog was just being over friendly) but growing up I had a fear of dogs.  Because a phobia is about a specific thing you may find that you tend to avoid the situations that make you anxious – but this makes the phobia worse as time goes on. It can also mean that your life becomes increasingly dominated by the precautions you have to take to avoid such situations. You will usually realise that there is no real danger and may even feel silly about your phobia, but still can’t control it.

In my mind the differences aren’t that important;  primarily because I can fix any of these (more importantly I can help you fix these yourself – if we accept that concerns about control and feeling out of control are often at the root of an issue then taking back control of your thoughts, feelings and reactions is an incredibly powerful thing); and secondarily because for some people these things become a progression and I’d rather help someone as early as possible to understand that they can control  the effect any and all of these situations.

If you’re easily suggestible look away now!

At its absolute worst being put into a situation where you have to come face to face with your phobia can bring on some or all of the following:

• Rapid heartbeat, pounding heart or palpitations
• Sweating; palms, armpits, down the middle of your back or chest
• Shaking visibly or inside
• Choking sensations or lump in throat (Globus Hystericus)
• Smothering or shortness of breath sensations
• Chest pain or discomfort
• Nausea, bloating, indigestion or abdominal discomfort
• Dizziness or unsteadiness
• Feeling light-headed
• Derealisation (feeling unreal or dreamy)
• Depersonalization (feeling outside yourself or like you don’t exist)
• Fear of losing control or going crazy
• Paresthesias (numbness or tingling sensations) in face, extremities or body
• Chills or hot flushes
• Skin losing color
• Blushing or skin blotches
• Urgently needing to urinate or defecate
• Inappropriate/Disturbed thoughts
• Muscle pain, especially in neck or shoulders

 …and possibly many more!

Pretty scary – even if you only get two or three of these symptoms it feels awful.

I get interesting reactions when I mention that I help people with their phobias – if it really is a phobia, then they tend to say no thanks.  On the surface I can understand this; if you’re so afraid of something that you can’t look at a picture or even say the word, then starting a conversation that means you’ll have to do exactly that is probably more than you can bear.  Ironically those are the people who benefit the fastest from the procedures I use – they’re able to access their fear and anxiety (and panic and terror . . .) very easily and therefore are in the ideal zone for a quick and effective treatment.  In fact I’d go as far as to say the more items you can tick off on the list the more effective the treatment.

What might have held you back in the past from looking for help?

• Concerns that you’ll have to face the object of your fear
  • If you can think about it that’s all that’s needed
• That your fear is part of your identity: you’re the agoraphobic who’s not left the house for ten years
  • You have many more interesting facets to your identity that will have a chance to shine
• The secondary gains: your fear of soap suds means you don’t have to do the washing up!  Perhaps you’re aware that you get sympathy, treats even control over other people
  • If these outweigh any possible gain you can see from not having the phobia then I doubt we’ll be speaking!
• A belief that we have to be afraid of something – if you lose one fear you’ll gain another
  • If something new starts to scare you you’ll have all the tools you need to banish that fear!
• Having to face the realisation of waste – it might have been years
  • The past is past; the future is much more exciting to contemplate!
• The thought that you’re suddenly going to love what you’ve hated
  • The goal is to stop your current suffering, I’m not expecting you to start keeping spiders as pets!

What do you want?

Forgive me for making an assumption on your behalf but I’m going  to say that you want something that’s:

• Quick
• Effective
• Long lasting
• Painless

What do I deliver?

• Quick – one or two sessions are usually all that’s needed – not the weeks or months of appointments suggested by some other types of help
• Effective – descriptions for how it feels include “it’s like an electric circuit has been broken”; “I couldn’t be bothered to be scared”;  “the picture has just dissolved”
• Long lasting – once the link between the memory and the emotion it brings up has been cut it won’t come back.  More importantly you’ll have the techniques to hand if something new comes up
• Painless – any emotional pain you bring with you will be gone very quickly

What won’t happen?

You won’t suddenly lose all perspective and start over-ridding the common sense and normal fear  that keeps us safe.  You’ll be able to stand on a balcony at the top of a tall building but you won’t have an urge to jump!

Your internal systems will have a chance to reset and you’ll go back to having the normal reactions that keep you safe without the over-reactions that leave you in a state of panic.

So now that you’re ready to give up your fear, phobia or anxiety, call me and lets take the next step together.

Oh and what do I get out of it?  I get to see your face as the fear and pain falls away and you start to realise that your new life is about to begin.  That’s why I do this.

Pros

Attention – a wasp flies in the room; you go mental.  All work has to stop until the wasp is caught and removed.  Secretly, deep down, don’t you enjoy the attention?

Identity – You’re the special one. You’ve spent 40 years being the person with the fear of worms; everyone knows about your phobia; Is that how people refer to you?  Is it the one thing that makes you different from everyone else?

Control – perhaps you have an indulgent partner/family and you’ve been allowed to affect other people’s lives and decisions – the entire family has never been on holiday abroad because you won’t get on a plane.

Drugs– legal highs!  Your doctor is happy to prescribe Valium or beta-blockers and you like the effect they have on you.

Awareness – do your family use you as the spider spotter, knowing you’ll see one ages before they do?

What else?  If you’re honest with yourself, what else does your phobia get you?  When I was younger an encounter with a spider meant gin!

Cons

Isolation – no one else really understands how you feel; there’s no one you can discuss your feelings of panic with.  Or literal isolation if you can’t get out of the house.

Lectures from well meaning friends – if your fear is flying I can guarantee you’ve had at least one person tell you about the science or the safety statistics.

Avoidance – You avoid places and situations just in case something might happen to trigger your phobia.  This is where you’re lucky if you’re in the UK and it’s snakes; not so lucky if it’s a fear of meeting strangers or getting trapped on the tube.

Attention – you really do hate it when you’re the centre of attention but you just can’t control the response you get when the object of your phobia appears

Self Esteem – feelings of inadequacy – concern that you’ll be seen as a fool

Fear you’ll pass this problem on to your children

Drugs – they seem to be the only way you can cope but you hate how woolly headed and vague they make you feel

So what do you think? Do you have to cope with someone who has a phobia?  Are you phobic?  Can having a phobia be a good thing?  Let me know.

I wanted to share a few of the thoughts I’d been having about the topic – some of these are a bit of a ramble – which won’t surprise any of you who’ve met me!

Do you ever start a session with a client and just know, despite all your skills, it just wasn’t going to work, you’re too far apart in your approach to life or there’s just something off.  It happens in ‘real’ life all the time but we can usually just walk away.  Do clients ever start their conversations with the problems they’ve had with previous therapists (and do you ever wonder if they’re going to talk like that about you to someone else!) and you feel their frustration and how it might cloud the session you’re about to have?

I’m quite clear that no matter how exemplary your skills are, you can’t save the world, you can’t fix everyone, some people just won’t like you and therefore it’s likely that you’ll just be wasting each other’s time if you persist.

As part of my training we did a lot of work on rapport, what it is and how important it is in helping someone make a shift in their life and start feeling better.  It occurred to me that you can build rapport in 140 characters; or at least in several sets of 140 characters!

Everyone wants to have conversations; we all need connections with other human beings, it’s part of the delight of being alive!   How much more could we achieve and help someone if we already have the measure of each other.  To be clear, this isn’t about offering therapy in 140 characters or discussing a specific problem in a public arena, this is about showing that you’re a real person that someone else might want to meet and talk to in person.

I’m still stumbling my way through social media sites, but I’m loving the people who do interact – and getting frustrated by the ones who just send out advertisements.

I said this would be a bit of a ramble! 

People want to do business with people – don’t broadcast, have a conversation.